I Was A Death Row Inmate

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Once upon a time, I was a prisoner on death row. You can probably imagine how evil I was to be sent to the prison and even be branded as a death-row inmate. But the sad thing is that, I didn’t know that I was a prisoner on death row. Not because I am in denial, but because no one told me anything. I was a prisoner who didn’t remember anything at all. I felt as if I had amnesia and the people who are supposed to make me remember what I did, why I was in prison, and where I was going, didn’t tell me anything. I woke up everyday not knowing that anytime, they might call my name and send me to the execution chamber. Everyday, I was supposed to be in a constant panic with the fear of death on my mind. Everyday, I was supposed to wake up and pray that the prison guards wouldn’t call my name. It doesn’t matter if I don’t eat well, or even drink for a day or two. Everyday, I was supposed to hope that I wouldn’t die. But I didn’t know and the prison guards never told me anything. They made me think that all I have to do is sleep, eat, drink, and enjoy my time at the prison by myself. They never told me about the place where I lived, nor did they even told me about who I really am, and what’s worse, they never informed me that I was going to die soon. I thought they are the nicest people in the world because they gave me food and water. However, I was wrong.

One day, I heard a voice outside the prison cell where I was. A voice that seemed so familiar and yet so distant. Her voice is so sweet and heartbreaking. She whispered in the air with a heartbreaking voice that pierced my heart, “Let’s go home, my child.” At the sound of Her voice, a fragment of memory comes to pass through me. Tears gently flowed on my eyes though I couldn’t remember why. The prison guards opened the door and I was set free. However, I couldn’t remember why I was even inside the prison cell so I didn’t appreciate it at that time. The Woman Who called me Her child, wiped Her tears and embraced me. I felt deeply comforted and tears flowed on my eyes though I wondered why. For many years I never realized why I was in prison and why I was alone. However, the same Woman Who took me home that day, explained to me Who I truly was. I was a prisoner on death row. I committed a very horrible crime that could never be forgiven. She explained to me that I was supposed to die. At first, I never really realized and regarded Her words as a joke. However, even though I gave Her too much hardships, first, by explaining to me over and over who I truly was, one thing that I never understood was, if I was a prisoner on death row who is supposed to die because of the terrible crime I committed, why was I set free? Whenever I asked Her that question, tears just appeared on Her eyes. At first, I think it is a mystery. Later on, I realized it on my own. My Mother, Who set me free from the execution chamber, gave up Her life for me. She wasn’t supposed to come to the execution chamber because only people who deserved to die are placed. My fate was sealed after I committed a horrible crime that deserves no chance. However, She came and abandoned Her glorious life in the eternal world as a ransom to save my life. After She set me free, She could’ve just abandoned me and return to the eternal world where She once belonged. However, She is still with me until today. She is still with me, helping me to remember everyday who I truly am and what kind of world we once belonged. Though time had made Her aged and made Her slow, She still takes Her time to take care of me like a baby who never grew old. Though She had become weak and feeble, She still protected me from harm with everything that She got. Everyday, I live with the regret of the evil crime that I had done. I deserve to die. However, She just smiles at me and softly says to me with every remaining strength and love on Her voice, “I love You. Let’s go home soon.” With tears on my face, I humbly said to my Mother, “Thank You. I love You.”

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3,153,600,000 seconds

They said that when you truly love someone, there’s nothing in this world that can stop you from loving them no matter how evil, mean, bad, or annoying they are. At first, I think that true love only happens in fairy tales. It means, it doesn’t exist. I never thought it could happen in real life. Relationships end, families fight, and your closest friends betray you. In this world where there’s only despair and sadness, I never really expected much of anybody. I’ve seen people come, I’ve seen people go. The cycle repeats as if it is being played like a movie.

I’ve lived without expecting anything from anyone, and I’ve put a huge barrier against me and everyone. In this world of tears and sweat, I never really knew what is the meaning of love. Men, for thousands of generations want to put a clear definition as if it is a do or die. However, nobody really succeeded. Everyone have their own definition of love, but I just repeated their own definitions. Though human, I felt as if I am a machine who is incapable of loving anyone, not because I don’t want to know how it feels like to love, but because nobody showed me how. Day by day, year after year, second after second, time after time. I waited. Patiently. Even begging. For someone to show me how. However, nobody did.

Until, one day, one man came and destroyed the barrier of my soul.

For most people, they expect a prince charming or a knight in his shining armor. Contrary to people’s expectation, my prince charming and my knight in shining armor, came as an ordinary man just like everybody. He doesn’t really have a very handsome face or a very outstanding feature. He is just the average-looking guy who people would never really expect much. He came to rescue me from all the things that I used to be. He may not be the person I expected Him to be, but, everything about Him is perfect. Though He suffered when I was so stubborn, He only smiled at me. Though I am giving up in everything, He is just there to cheer me up, saying, “Try one more time.” He taught me to never give up. He taught me how to let go. He taught me that all people are not the same. He taught me to appreciate all the good things and the bad things. He taught me how to forgive. But the greatest of all, He taught me the greatest thing that nobody in this world can ever learn. Love. He taught me that in this world of despair and sorrow, there exists a fairy tale where true love is real. In those precious moments that He taught me, I realized that His 3,153,600,000 seconds of being on this earth is the result of His love for someone like me. I am a nobody. But for a nobody like me, who is only a speck of dust in the grand scale of the universe, He spent 3,153,600,000 seconds. And even up until now that He is gone, He is truly not gone. He is here with me. In my heart, soul, and mind. Father, thank You. Thank You so much for spending 100 years-3,153,600,000 seconds, of Your life for me. Thank You for showing me that true love is T-I-M-E.

 

I had a boyfriend

I loved my boyfriend so much. I used to think that if nothing else goes right, as long as my boyfriend is happy, I am happy. My boyfriend challenged me to no end. There were many times when I think that my boyfriend was everything. I thought that as long as I do good, my boyfriend will be satisfied. However, I was wrong.

At first, I thought my boyfriend will love me back if I get good grades. However, it is not very easy. I got good grades but my grades were not enough for him. I was deeply stressed all the time. There were many times when my boyfriend kept me up for 2 days and there were many days when I would stay up all night crying because my boyfriend hurts me so much if I don’t do too well. But of course, I just didn’t give up way easily. I try my best everyday to prove to him that I am better than he thinks I am.

But of course, it is not still easy and he is not satisfied. To top it all of, I began to lose a lot of money because he demands too much from me. He never once offered up to pay for all my textbooks so I have to get a job. I suffered so much because of my boyfriend. But, he never once cared if I am sick or I am well. He never cared if I have money or I am stressed. All he ever cared about is me getting good grades and getting recognized that I am a part of his life. It is such a one-sided love. 8 days from now, I want to tell my boyfriend that it’s all over. I am pretty sure he’s not going to cry. I am absolutely certain that me leaving him will not even cause him to shed a single sweat. However, once we leave each other and part ways, I will be the happiest person in the world. So, before our relationship ends completely, I want to tell my boyfriend that I love him so much and that it is such a pleasure that I met him. He refined me like gold being purified in a furnace.

Thank you my boyfriend.

I hope when I am gone, you will be able to realize how much you have changed me from a girl to a woman. Thank you, my boyfriend–my University.

 

 

 

You Are Not Alone

ImageThere are things in this universe
that will forever be questioning me
An example is when I see your face
which makes me want to sing with glee
But you can never listen
to the voices inside my head
Things unheard, words left unsaid

Everyday as I lie awake in my bed
Thoughts of you weigh more
than hundreds of lead
My life is titanium
but without you it’s krypton
Our fate is sealed
on an endless hexagon

Love, your feelings
are labyrinths of unfinished symphony
Your emotions are sealed
in a series of cryptology
Maybe someday we’ll have
a total eclipse of the heart
It doesn’t matter if we’d had
a bad start

Destiny is filled with games
and funny twists
Our future lies beyond those mass
of cloudy mists
If you look at the stars
and you feel lonely and unknown
Think of me on those moments…
you are not alone

I Write Because…

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I write because I have these ideas being piled up in my head
I write because I want to share my thoughts, or later they’ll be dead
I write because I have no one to talk to most of the day
I write because I don’t want to forget about yesterday
I write because I want someone to understand me
I write because I want them to be understood by me
I write because when I open my mouth, the words come out wrong
I write because no one can listen to me for far too long
I write to enhance my vocabulary
I write to inspire and satisfy nobody
I write because I am scared of speaking to anyone
I write because it is a right– a form of freedom
I write because when someday I die
I write because I want them to remember me by.

The Perfect Definition Of Books

ImageInstruments that record, analyse, summarise, organise, debate and explain information;

that are illustrated, non-illustrated, hardbound, paperback, jacketed, non-jacketed;

with foreword, introduction, table of contents, index;

that are intended for the enlightenment, understanding, enrichment,

enhancement and education of the human brain through sensory route of vision –

sometimes touch.

-Phunsukh Wangdu aka Ranchoddas Shamaldas Chanchad (Three Idiots~Movie)

Angels To Fly… Angels To Die (Pen Relief)

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Beneath the crescendo drizzle is where she stood.

Waiting. Listening. Humming.Whispering.

As she extend her arm to touch the dark sky, a roar of music echoes

and reverberates in the air.

The sound of nostalgia blurred by the rain.

Her gentle eyes began to open. An expression of sadness

burdened by the world’s deafening noises.

Slowly, she drifted into the air and leaped across the empty space.

Defying all the laws of physics, an angel dares to fly.

But we’re not angels and we can’t have wings, not until we die.

 

Written: November 2013 as a Pen Relief